The Kidnappers

August 11, 2021

The first call came in on the landline at 5.00 am, so it woke me out of a deep sleep. It was intended to do so, of course. My foggy brain couldn’t understand the man at first, who seemed to be threatening my friend A. Then, I got the word ‘secuestrado,’ which means ‘kidnapped,’ and registered that he was using past tenses. She had been kidnapped, and he was demanding that I pay her ransom.

Part of me was alarmed, but more of me was annoyed at being woken up. Yes, I am selfish that way. My sleep is precious to me. But I also smelled a rat.

My friend H was caught by a similar scam a few years ago. Her ‘nephew’ called her to ask for help in getting a ransom, so the people who had kidnapped him while backpacking in Mexico would let him go. She did have a nephew of that age, and the circumstantial details supplied meant she was sufficiently drawn in to help. She went to get money from her bank account, and only on the way home did it occur to her to do some checking. Phone calls to her brother confirmed his son was safe in the US, and nowhere near Mexico. So, when the ‘kidnap victim’ and his captor called again, she told them she had a problem – she only had one nephew, and he was away at college, in the middle of his term. Could they clarify just who was calling, please? The would-be extortionists had a script to deal with this, but it wasn’t up to scratch. They suddenly hung up, aware they’d been rumbled.

How these morning callers had connected me with A, I don’t know, but plenty of people in Mexico are willing to share supposedly private information for a fee. And we have often mentioned each other to friends over the years.

Anyway, I was half persuaded, when “A” came on the line. Sobbing in terror, she was talking far too fast for me to follow her Spanish, but I got the message. They were going to torture or kill her if I didn’t pay up.

There were only two problems. One was that it didn’t sound at all like A, whose voice is lower-pitched. The second was, she speaks fluent English, and would have used it with me if she really needed help. Still acting out of a semi-conscious state, I said “No, gracias,” and hung up.

The phone rang again a few moments later, and the man was back with his best Dirty Harry voice. This time, I was really annoyed over my interrupted sleep, and yelled something I would never usually say to a Mexican:
“Speak English, dammit!! If this is really about A, let her speak to me in my own language!”

Again, the Spanish was all too fast and growly for me to follow, but the fake A came back on the line – again unable to use English. 

“Oh, for heaven’s sakes, you didn’t even sound like her! I repeat – speak English!!!” And when more gabbled Spanish followed, I hung up a second time. 

Kidnapping for ransom is a dangerous business in Mexico, but gringos are usually avoided as victims. We have governments that might intervene, and it’s far easier for the gangs to prey on poorer Mexicans, who might be more easily intimidated, or more aware their movements and relationships would be easier to trace. Because we are not integral parts of the social infrastructure, gringos’ reactions can be unpredictable. It’s better to leave us alone.

This pair were doing their best, and maybe they were connected with a major gang.  But they didn’t have a plan B. Also, they had no information apart from the phone number, which could have been obtained from a utility company or some government agency that had required it. They were, basically, amateurs with a rudimentary script, and not much creativity. 

It was all a reminder that you need a certain anarchist streak to survive here. Going to the authorities for anything other than an innocuous matter can be positively dangerous, since they would need personal information I’d prefer not to share. So, telling would-be extortionists to take a hike – and I was going purely on sleepy instinct here, not calculated bravery – is more effective than trying to play by a formal rule-book. Had they called when I was properly awake, I might have been more cautious. Summoned from the depths of peaceful slumber, I was suitably angry. 

It’s been three months since that morning. Since then, I’ve had to dodge a few reckless drivers, had a bad sting from a bee, and gotten lost in an unfamiliar city. But no-one has called again, except about everyday matters, nor have I been threatened in any other way. This particular corner of Mexico is still safer than others, and I don’t think about the incident if the phone rings.

And I do cherish the brief, third call that came in, right after the first two were done.

“FAHK YEW!” said the woman, as menacingly as she could. I don’t know if she hung up before me, but I had a satisfied grin on my face as I put the receiver down. At least she had finally spoken what limited English she actually knew.

But in retrospect, she also sounded closer to a sob of unhappiness than an expression of anger. She’d blown her big moment, and she possibly had to pay for it afterwards. After all, you don’t get into that line of business because you find the career rewarding.